I celebrate.

Today I celebrate the anniversary of my sweet baby's birth.

I celebrate one year of life and blessed motherhood. Of experiencing a love I never knew possible, and finally learning what a full life consists of.

I celebrate the joys, the laughter, smiles, cuddles, kisses, milestones met, and challenges overcome.

I also celebrate the tears, frustrations, struggles, confusion, sleepless nights, and endless dirty diapers.

As I think about the past year with my little girl there are an extraordinary amount of feelings and thoughts that come to my heart and my mind. Gratefulness, happiness, beautiful memories, joy, LOVE, LOVE, so much incredible love.

And yet at the same time there is always that one overwhelming feeling that will never leave my being. The knowledge that I am completely unworthy of such a beautiful, precious and angelic gift that I get to call my daughter. I am overcome with more love, delight and wonder that I could have ever dreamt when I look into her beautiful brown eyes.

All the while I know that no single explanation nor eloquence of words could ever describe the sorcery of beauty that connects a parent to their child.

When I rest in stillness with my little one after a full day of pure and exhausting fun, I observe her breath as she sleeps, watch her chest rise and fall, brush her hair out of her eyes, I sit in awe of her perfection...all I can whisper is thank you, thank you, thank you.

I celebrate that unexplainable, ungraspable perfection of my underserved blessing; my daughter.

One of Those Days

Ever have one of those days that just straight-up suck?

You know, one of those days where pretty much everything that can go wrong does go wrong? Heck, even the things that can't go wrong still end up in shambles!

When you feel like everything in your life must be conspiring against you like some kind of big cosmic practical joke.

Yesterday was one of those days, here's a little glimpse...

In the morning the toilet clogged BIG TIME.While attempting to unclog said toilet I managed to spray sewage water all over the bathroom, myself, my husband...i'll just say household items got ruined.

We've been fighting a diaper rash with Penelope so I've been letting her move around without a diaper for periods throughout the day. Well she ended up peeing in the middle of the kitchen floor while I was cooking lunch...ok, we got this, quick and easy cleanup and then i'll throw her diaper on. While I'm cleaning her piddle puddle she moved across the room and decided to do number 2. Yes, I said it. She crapped on the floor. Do I have a puppy or a baby? Sometimes I get confused. On to the next mess.

Not much later, Abhi ran down the street to buy a plunger at Home Depot, thinking I was upstairs when I was actually outside walking to the dumpster. I got locked out of the house (while cooking the same lunch) with the burner and pressure cooker on whistling in the kitchen....ummm yeah...can someone say burnt lentils?

Sometimes you just need to take a moment. Not even a whole minute. Just a moment to breathe. Pardon my French but this calm little reminder to breathe in the good shit, breathe out the bullshit was just too real for me yesterday. Aaaahhh. Better?

There were a lot of other little doh! moments throughout the day that had me thinking that I was stuck in a bad infomercial,"but wait, there's more!"... but I think we get the gist here. And besides, that's not the point. The point is, what do we do with days like these? Moan, groan, and trudge your way through it so that we can live to write a blog post about it? Sure. ORR...we could try a different approach.

Be thankful.

When I'm down in the pits over everything that has gone wrong, what helps me to snap out of my woe-is-me stupor is to remind myself of all that is GOOD in my life. I remember that my family and I are healthy, we have everything we could possibly need. I see my husband laugh, or my baby full of wonder as she discovers something new and I'm reminded that these precious moments trump all the crap that went on minutes before. God has given me everything I could need to live a joyous, healthy, fruitful life.

The perfect life doesn't come without bumps, bruises and pee puddles. Instead it accepts the messes for what they are, cleans them up, and says thank you for the Lysol wipes.

Daily Reminder

As a wife, mother, daughter, sister, student, homemaker, wannabe athlete there are constant demands of things to do, research, learning the best ways to live your life, improve your life, prepare for the future etc. Life can be overwhelming. You know the feeling, don't you? It is so important to remind ourselves that we are but human and all we can do is our best. Leave the worry, the stress of the unknown, and do what you can with what you have where you are.

Lessons From A 10-Month Old

A couple of my own observations as we went about our daily business...

1) Sometimes we have to bump our head once, twice...even a thousand times before we realize how to maneuver ourselves, how to know our bodies, or how to make a change.

Penelope is crawling all over the place and continues to hit her head on all kinds of objects again and again; the same table, the same wall, same corner. Finally today I saw her observe her own surroundings and move her head around the corner of the table. I don't know what it is that finally 'clicked' but sometimes it takes a good few mistakes to finally move in the right direction.

2) Stretch,reach, kick and wiggle your way to what you want. Within reason (no, I'm not saying to kick and scream your way to the Twistee Treat just becaue you want ice cream right now...but if you must go, please get me a gorilla cone).

Often times Penelope will be sitting contently in my arms and will suddenly spot something she needs to have. Right away. This little girl will reach out, bend over, lay flat, kick her little legs until she gets whatever silly object she was going for. Leaving me barely able to hang on to her while her body dangles in the air. But Penelope isn't looking at the floor, she's looking at her goal.

3) Observe and be amazed.

I love catching Penelope when she's in a state of wonder. To her, everything is a miracle. She will lay on her back and be entertained by the movement and grasping of her own fingers. She will grab a handful of dirt from our planters and then stare at her closed fist full of soil, looking at it, see it in her hand, feeling it between her fingers and let it go. Then do it all over again with the same amazement.

4) Move to the Rhythm. Which rhythm? Any rhythm you darn well please!

Penelope is a serious mover and shaker. She is always dancing! Whether people are watching her or not, she bounces her little body and shakes her head to the beat of the music. Even if there's no music, she finds a beat and goes with it; whether its the sound of a nail file moving back and forth or even the sound of a skipping rope hitting the floor again and again, I catch her bouncing away with a silly little smile-she really doesn't care where and how she dances, she just does what feels right.

The point is, don't be afraid  of the things that make you weird, if that's what makes you happy; Penelope and I like to sing out loud, even if there aren't words, just silly screeching sounds-make your own heart happy.

“A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires.” -Paulo Coelho

I'm Back! With News.

I have come to my page over and over and over again trying my hardest to pull fancy words out of my you-know-what. Something special to say, a funny topic to comment on, even a good segue from my last posting (almost 2 years ago, living in India!)...but guess what? I've got nothing! SO I will leave it at that-a big two year gap between my last post and now, hoping to fill in for lost time as my writings continue. A TRILLION changes have happened; good, bad, ugly, and brilliantly beautiful-all to bring me to life in the here and now.

My family is facing a deployment- a year's separation between Penelope, Abhi, and myself. If I were writing the story of my own life I would never put this kind of family separation in writing. I would keep the pen far away from the pad, lock it up, throw away that god-awful key and keep my husband close and tight every single minute of my life. BUT, as life would have it-I am not always in control of my path- though it is my choice to make the most of what I am given. And I have learned from experience that God's plans are always better than my own-as cliche as that may sound. Its true! The best things in my life have always come from the plans that I never would have made for myself. My best moments in life were thrown at me, snuck up behind me, blasted in my face, or have shocked me with surprise- these are the life-changers, life-improvers, and strengtheners.

So we will move forward one step at a time, with wobbly legs (just as my sweet baby tries to stand on her own), and though we may fall and tumble from time to time, we still move forward. We roll, crawl, stretch out and scratch our way forward, as watching little Penelope has taught me. In the end we get there, in a better place and in better shape than when we started.